Sunday, October 30, 2016

My Mom and I on the Mt Washington

My inlaws, walking across the lawn after a family party

My Foster Dad, Terry

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Happy Birthday Mom

Hey Mom,

This is your second Birthday in Heaven. Funny how I miss you like it was yesterday that we said goodbye. 
I remember how we celebrated in years gone past.  "hey Mom, what do you want to do for your birthday"... You'd always say, "oh, you don't have to do anything."  Then I'd press, and you'd have a whole days agenda planned.  Breakfast, and a trip to the ocean, lunch at Newicks and Daiquiris on the deck at sunset.  Most likely flowers would be involved... at the end of the day you'd say, "the best part was just spending time with you."  I wish now, that I'd spent more time with you.  What I wouldn't give for just one more day.

Your rhododendron is doing great, planted out back by the fireplace.  The kids are well, your "neighbor" Tommy is out of the navy now and lives right down the street.  He misses you too.  J is doing well, glad to be done with HS and finding out how fun this adulting thing is.  She seems to have a new respect for me, or is at least more empathetic to my feelings, since I lost you.  I think it's the first time she's seen something hit me as profoundly as this, and she treads gently with lots of hugs.

As for me, I'm considering a new job.  Working overnight in the hospice house is draining, and I don't know, Mom. Since your death, and the others ... I just don't seem to have the passion any more.  Gonna go back to On call.  You always laughed at how I like to "put out fires" as you called it.  Remember all those times I'd have to take notes for me, when we were driving somewhere and I'd get a call.  You'd remind me to put in my mileage, and mutter things like, "give me a break, don't they know the morphine will help them?" and "geesh, they're on narcotics, even I know they've gotta have a bowel program!"  

So, as you know, Jim died.  His pancreatic cancer took him so quickly!  2 months from dx to death.  I was so very blessed and honored to be asked to take care of him for those 2 months.  I did my job, and what I promised him I'd do.  He was always comfortable, his dignity was maintained.  I wish I had been afforded the time to care for you in the same way, but I know that your quick death was the best thing for you.  You didn't have time to be scared or short of breath.  You were just sleepy and passed.  Such a merciful thing for you and your anxiety laden mind.  I'm glad I was right there, holding your hand.  I hope Jim's still bringing you the papers and telling you corny jokes.  (grin)
Terry died too, just last week.  That happened quickly as well, they called that he was less responsive on Friday, and he died on Monday.  Again, I was fortunate enough to be right there, holding his hand and giving him love as he took his last breath.  Funny, you know how he layed there, waiting to die for 2 yrs... then it happens, and there's this big hole.  I guess, more accurately, that the hole is just bigger and bigger with each loss.  Eh, I'll muddle thru.  You know how it is.  

I hear you once in awhile.  I'm grateful for all the times I've said out loud, "Hey Mom, can you help me find this..." and I know you're chuckling as you put whatever it is, right at my fingertips.  Several times after asking, you've shown me to what I've lost, usually my debit card.  I remember when Tim would go on TDY, after a couple days you'd text me and ask, "so, have you lost the checkbook yet?"  lol.
You've stopped to visit me in my dreams once too.  Recently you woke me up when it was time for work.  I woke to your voice, clear as day, saying, "Becky, it's time to wake up now."  I wish you had stayed, but I appreciate the touch.   

Well Mom, I guess that's it for now.  I don't really know about this heaven/afterlife thing, but if it exists, I hope you're up there doing the things you love.  Is there a big casino in the sky?  Hope you're there... Drink in one hand, butt in the other, winning big and shouting, "yeeha!"  Keep an eye out for Terry, he's got a huge hug for ya, straight from Alton NH. 
I love you Mom.


Thursday, January 14, 2016

Just imagine...

1.3 BILLION dollars!  That's what the megabucks is at right now.  I hafta admit, I sent my son down to the local market to pick up a ticket.  It only takes ONE, right?  I don't regularly play.  Not sure why not.  There's something exciting about dreaming of the possibilities.  Naively, I ignore the inconveniences for the time being.  So, let's see...  In no particular order:

  • pay off the mortgage
  • buy a new car, maybe that loaded Rubicon I've been trying to design for myself
  • It goes without saying that I'd pay off all my bills, OUR bills.  
  • Yes, I'd consult a lawyer about HOW to invest/set aside money for our kids, our kids kids etc.  
  • I'd pay off my foster fathers hospital bills, as well as other close family members
  • The kids.  I'd start off by putting money aside for the grandkids educations...  
  • then I'd buy homes for each of my kids, as well as new cars, etc. 
  • Charities.  Yes, of course.  Let's see.  I'd start with the womens half-way house/recovery house that is being proposed in the Dover area.  I'd probably start a foundation and focus on homeless people, womens health, safe houses.  
  • I'd donate monies to help military families reconnect and carry on life after their troop comes back from deployment
  • I'd have a play space.  a house/building, with different play rooms according to interests at that time.  
  • My friends would have homes (or RVs) that afforded them the ability to live closer to me.
  • My job.  Yeah, I'd quit it.  I think I've had enough of death for awhile.  I'd hafta figure out what to do to maintain my nursing license, but my days of having to work would be over.  
  • My husband, he'd have the option to quit work as well.  
  • Our dog would go to a trainer and quit his annoying behaviors
  • new, cat proof furniture
  • I'd have a housekeeper, and a grounds person, who lived nearby and comes in every day to keep my house clean and uncluttered. 
It occurs to me tho, as I'm "dreaming", that I have a  feeling of unrest.  Unsettling.. these aren't things I really desire.  Those things can't be bought with millions.  a few: 
  • A big fat rewind button.  I'd rewind time and take my mom to the beach one more time.  We'd make cookies together again, and watch one more episode of Big Bang Theory.  I'd hug her more, listen to her longer, say Thank you one last time.
  • Time.  There would be more hours in the day.  Just for a while, there'd be no pending deadlines for paperwork.  No need to get "just one more hour" of sleep because work is at 11... Time to read, and listen to music and write and quilt and rubber stamp and cook dinners with my daughter.  
  • A teleportation device.  I'd go back several decades and talk with my Grandpa again.  Zip back to Hawaii and that awesome day at Hakanauma bay with the family, or Toms PIR.  I'd read to my granddaughter during our "sleep over" and lay on the Chaise in Puerto Rico reading a book and drink in hand.  I'd be able to snap my fingers and be in Claremont to visit a friend who is 2 hrs away, another snap and I'd be in Fairbanks to play in the snow with the Grands, or snap! In GA helping my boy pack for his move to Kauai.  
There's a message in there somewhere, about cherishing time more, unplugging and getting back to basics, being present in the minute.  

Sigh.  Just imagine. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

Zumba! Mothers Day! Weekends and Progress!

Zumba!  Mothers Day! Weekends and Progress!

Happy Mothers day to all of my mother-readers out there!  I hope your day was as enjoyable as mine!  Hubby reports it was difficult, trying to figure out how to properly honor the mother of his children (cest moi) without involving food.  hee hee.  Good for him to exercise that imagination of his once in awhile.  We DID go out to lunch.  My suggestion, as I wanted to do something with my Mom and I know she enjoys going out.  We went to The Common Man, as I know their Sunday Brunch is exceptional.  EXCEPT... that they didn't have it on Mothers day!  Huge disappointment, as their selection is vast and my mom would have loved it.  As for me, eh.  The food was good.  Hubby enjoyed his meal, as did my Mom.  Confession time.  A little piece of me isn't happy with going out to eat anymore.  I guess I mourn the days of old where going out to dinner meant an indulge-fest.  Drink, food, laugh, drink some more...  I know it'll get better, and the behavioral change is in the works, and what I need to embrace to not go back to that ginormous me lifestyle of before.  Just because I recognize it for what it is doesn't make it less... uncomfortable.  I just keep telling myself that the limitations are temporary, and to embrace whatever I'm feeling about it all.  
Le Sigh!  Have been Jonesing for a Margarita lately.  Spring time, the patio furniture is on the deck.  Its what we do evenings.  Blender of the last 2 yrs was broken during cleaning a couple weeks ago, and got a great deal on this one thru Kohls.  Couldn't resist!  It showed up on Saturday, and we had a nice mello maiden voyage!  I had a few sips.  Ok, about half a glass.  Using the Skinny Girl Margarita mix, my body tolerated the sugar content and just gave me a quick, room spinny kinda buzz.  Whew.  I'm a little embarrassed to say how relieved I was, to be able to tolerate the drink.  My life is not over.  LOL.  

My mothers day gift to myself was to get my butt back to Zumba.  It was fun.  Hard.  Embarrassing.  (A lot of new steps/songs, and I was the only new person.  Luckily I know the instructor, and most of the participants, so eh, embarrassment short lived.  Also gave me a chance to laugh at myself, which is always good!)  Burned ... idk, I'd say about 500 calories, maybe?  The calorie counters vary greatly on how that.  Suffice it to say I went to bed with about half a pound in excess caloric burn last night. (3500cals = 1 lb!) Today, my hips burn.  Not the bones, the muscles.  That's a good thing!  Starting the 30 day squat challenge today as well, so burn is gonna be my middle name for awhile.  It's all good (yo), and what I want for my life.  Won't you join me?
As a side note, I surveyed my friends on Facebook, asking what their favorite workout music was.  Trying to get some play lists together to help with the boredom.  Got some great answers, and discovered a new group that I look forward to getting to know.  Cake!
One reply was "Soft Kitty".  lol, that would be my mom, who abhors exercise.  Hehe.  My girlfriends husband, GI Joe-type, Dean, replied with this: "-I don't listen to music when I work out. I want the pain and agony to go without relief- Just embrace "the suck" Come to love "the suck" just become one with "the suck" I have found that this technique was what really helped me get through the last three combat tours and all the PT I had to do at Infantry School and Airborne School-I hope this helps! "   Hmmm, embrace the Suck, eh Dean?  I reserve the right to comment on that one, but will give it a try.  Maybe!

So, down 89lbs.  The loss is slowing down, as my stomach is able to tolerate more foods that aren't protein.  MODERATION, Beck!  I assume it'll pick up again as I get back into an aerobic/cardio routine of some sort.  Noticed the brush full of hair yesterday when I was styling it, so the hair loss has started.  I've not been good about taking my supplements: Vit D, Calcium, Magnesium, B12 complex, Prilosec and Flintstones Multivits.  Striving to do better.  Considering a checklist of daily "duties".  It's helped in the past, ala Flylady et al.  

HEY!  If you've read this far, how bout leaving me a comment?  I don't MIND writing this for my health, but it'd be nice to hear your thoughts and feedback, and to know this is reaching SOMEONE!  It's all about helping each other, and if my blog helps just one person to ease their journey, then it's worth it!  
Namaste , and remember, FEEL THE BURN!  Embrace the SUCK!  (chuckle)


Monday, June 25, 2012

Another bird bites the dust, I mean flys the coop...

Tomorrow at 11am we drop off our middle child, son Thomas, at the recruiting station.  He then goes with several other young men up to Portland and the MEPS station to be processed, and then by bus to the airport and off to boot camp for the Navy.  I'm sad... and proud as hell... and sad.  It just won't be the same  around here without he and his friends hanging out til all hours of the night and morning.  There will actually be Milk in the refridgerator.  Wow.  I anticipate the need to write my way thru this journey.  Just warning ya all now!  
                                                    Spiked red hair and a snugglie..

                                               Long haired rocker...


Saturday, January 28, 2012

According to the Meyers-Briggs personality test, I am an INFP.  1% of the nation are this.  It's always nice to be special..... uh, I think? 

Saturday, January 7, 2012


So, there are a lot of people out there who do those 365 pics in a year contests.... I've tried a couple years in a row, and never even come close.  This may be a little more doable for me.  We shall see!  Project 52   
The first weeks assignment is Resolutions...  I'll hafta think on this a little bit... How does one photograph timeliness?  Less procrastination?  Promptness?  Hmmmm... nothing like starting with a doozie! 


My passion!  Well, er, ONE of my passions!  I've been away from it too long, and it makes me feel too good, almost as good as... oh, well... you know!  Use your imagination!  Anyhow, it soothes my soul and in this day and age, that's a necessary thing!  Working on a couple of things, this being the newest:

Going to be swapping charms on this one for awhile (CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS and in the meantime finishing up my sons quilt, the Starry Log Cabin. 

Picture this, in Reds, Blacks and white

In the next few weeks you'll see this site turn into more of a project oriented blog... Just trying to keep up with my fellow quilters!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Miss my girl...

2 wks ago I took our daughter out to Binghamton NY for volleyball camp.  She had a decent time, learned some, and grew from the experience.  I was relieved and proud to see that she could hold her own with girls 1-4 years older than her, stand up for herself, and play as well as, if not better than, atleast half the girls in 9th and 10th grade.

She's still in NY, at my dads, shooting woodchucks, clays, anything they can find to aim at.  Fishing, horse back riding, mini-golfing, going to the rodeo and an amusement park.  She's having a great time.

It's quiet around here.  I have floundered.  Maybe even a little depressed.  Up pops the question.... "WHO am I, when I'm not being chauffer, her biggest fan and athletic supporter, chef, seamstress, maid, life-coach, go-fer and bottomless bank? Can't say I've amounted to much.  Have gotten together with some friends that we usually don't have time to see. (Glen and Marissa, Lori and Rog, John and Carole, my girlfriends Sallie and Susan in NY)  Le sigh.  She'll be back soon, and I"ll be craving alone time once again.  It has definitely given me pause tho.  The future looks .... boring.  (grin)  Guess I'd better make a list. 

Things to do once the nest is empty
  • get back to quilting
  • finish that book
  • support the troops more than the weekly letters and monthly pkgs
  • volunteer at a homeless shelter/soup kitchen
  • scrapbook all those pictures
  • take a cruise with my girlfriends
  • take some online courses, i.e photography, photoshop, writing courses
Well, that's a start, eh?  Late.  I should quit waxing nostalgic and go back to bed. 
Goodnight, world.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Night photography Class

So, I've delved into the world of online classes.  My first is this Night Photography   (<--click there) class by Kent Weakley.  I've been following him on twitter, and the little teachings I've seen here and there had me hooked.  I'm only on video 3, but I've already learned so much.  For YEARS I've been trying to remember my shutter speed, aperatures, white balance, histograms, iso etc etc.  In one lesson, it's clear as day!  Looking forward to the next class which is about shooting blue light/twighlight!  If you get a chance to take a class, I highly recommend it.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Comments on a book I'm reading...

A friend of mine, a very intelligent, insightful, kind hearted woman, invited me to a group that she was initiating called "our 1000 gifts".  After reading the aforementioned book, she felt the need to start writing down her own 1000 gifts, and invited a bunch of us to join her.  Well, you know me, I hadta read the book that provoked the inspiration!  Here is my review of just a chapter... I'll be back with more...

First of all, are you familiar with Slam Poetry? "Pretty" by Katie Makkai, "Seen Not Heard" by Roxy Azari, oh yeah, and
Taylor Mali "What Teachers Make", and Sarah Kay "Hands"  or "B"
It's been around, but I just discovered it.  Anyhow, this author writes like her entire book is going to be read at some slam poetry event.  Not quite full sentences sometimes, flowing, flowery words that wax and wane... I find myself reading some paragraphs 2 or 3 times to get past the feel and fully grasp what she is saying.  It's not that she's saying anything super high tech rocket science brilliant, but it's still profound, in it's simplicity.  Do you know what I mean?

  I'm on Chapter 5, it's about Grace.  Her little boy caught his hand in the fan blades... cut up but he still has a hand... and it occurs to her, yeah, sure, Praise God, he didn't lose his hand.  WHAT if he did?  Grace is about, she explains, thanking Him, being grateful, for whatever lesson is being taught, whatever reason God has for something happening. 
Can I extrapolate and say that this addresses all those questions of, "if there is a God, why does he let bad things happen to good people, or innocent babies, or someone who already has their share of hardships?" The message I hear is that being grateful/thankful is easy when it's for the beauty around us, or an easy time at the dentist, etc etc, but being full of grace involves being grateful, even when the message/experience isn't enjoyable. 
"With Joy comes pain".... this concept speaks to something that's occurred to me for quite a while now.  Eventually we lose EVERY earthly thing we have ever possessed, and every single person we have ever loved...  depressing thoughts... but part of life, I suppose.  What has occurred to me personally is that .... knock on wood... I've not really had that much pain in my life.  (When is it gonna happen, and is it gonna be a doozie because I need to catch up on my "pain" quota?) I've not had anyone really close to me die.  My mom had cancer, as did my husband.  Both overcame, for the time being anyway.  No one has had any serious health issues, I'm fairly healthy, (tho morbidly obese and slowing down).  It's kinda that paranoid feeling you get during nursing school when you're absolutely certain you've got x, y and z disease that you just learned about in Micro...

     I digress.  What I'm getting out of chapter 5 is that, if we're grateful, and truly gracious in our daily lives and attitudes, then we don't question Gods sovereignty when something painful happens.  You hear it over and over again, "God has a plan".  Well, in all our graciousness, how dare we question his judgement about something that he "lets" happen?  He has this master plan for the whole universe, all things fit together to run smoothly, or at least, as they're supposed to.  GOD SEES THE FOREST THRU THE TREES!!!  Who am I, a meager conifer, to question his care of the whole woods!
Lastly, "grace that chooses to bear the cross of suffering OVERCOMES the suffering... " 
  Looking around and being grateful has opened my eyes, and my heart.  I'm curious to see what else she has to say, and lastly, to compare it to my own beliefs that have gone basically towards mother earth, Angels, Spirit Guides, meditation and transcendence.  (with God at the top of the hierarchy, if you will)  In the meantime, slowing down, looking around, writing down the gifts, seems like a reasonable and natural response.  

Pressing on, stay tuned for chapter 6... 

Friday, March 25, 2011

Wake up call from God?

Tsunamis, public unrest, Earthquakes, nobody getting along, national deficits with a gazillion zeros attached... What IS the world coming to?  I just finished reading a book, "Last Light" by Terri Blackstock.  Took me a little bit to get into it, as it was evident from the first pages that it was another of those "end of the world" kinda reads,, and I wasn't in the right space to deal... but a week later, I couldn't put it down.  So, this guy and his daughter meet at an airport where he's picking her up from DC.  as she comes off the tarmack, planes start dropping from the sky, cars stop running, televisions, anything with a motor or that takes power.  They WALK many miles home, ride bicycles.  Within 3 days of this mass power outage that seems to be world wide, neighbors are fighting, looting, killing each other and not willing to share.  This man and his family are Christians, and it occurs to him and his wife that this is their opportunity to do Gods work, to help one another and all survive together.  They aren't preachy, but try to do what's right and live by Christian values.  A murderer is in their midst.  They gather water at the river and boil it for proper drinking water.  They cook over wood fires, wash their clothes in the creek, start composting. 
It made me think.... what if this were to happen to us tomorrow?  How would we, "The Pellowes On the Hill" as my brother calls us, survive?  Do we remember how to work hard, and have it in us to do it, sun up to sun down, just to survive with a quart of water and a can of beans a day?  Of course, T does.  He's a hard worker anyway.  As for me, and our princess, we're pretty spoiled.  Makes me worry, and feel guilty.  I should be instilling a better work ethic in this child. 
The book is long finished, but I can't shake the thoughts.  There isn't a reason not to be better prepared... (HORRIBLE sentence, I know)  I toy with wanting a garden this summer, but KNOW I'm horrible at taking care of it.  I'd like to freeze and can some stuff.  Will I?  who knows.  I'd like to tho.  We'll see, I guess.
The thought remains.  How about you?  Are YOU ready for a catastrophe?  Would YOU share with your starving neighbor?  What if you had to MAKE diapers for your baby?  If somebody died, would YOU loot their house and hoard the goods you find, or would you distribute to those more needy than you?  Would YOU kill for the bicycle someone is about to steal from you, it being your only mode of transportation?
Like I said, these thoughts stick with me.  Not since the "Left Behind" series by Tim Lahaye, have I worried so much about the future.  Time to take stock, of my spiritual inventory, as well as the physical one, I think.  Won't you join me? 

Friday, March 4, 2011

\Click here to try the zentangle weekly challenge

Zentangle.  It's just a new little artform I've learned... had a class at the house with some girlfriends over.  Definitely destresses one.  You should try it.  There are a couple of little secrets... it's best to take a class.  But if not, that's ok too.  There is no "right" or "wrong" way to do this, just let go and let it flow!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Wow.  As usual, blew that diet plan the hell outta the water!  Oh well!  More of me to Love, right?  ha!
Signed up for my first ever Twitter chat tonite with some photography-like minded folk.  Hoping I can make a few new friends and hey, if I can learn a little something as well, then it will be a successful evening!  MAYBE I'll even get some pointers on how to make my pics of indoor sports to come out looking groovy, instead of like a blurry blob!

Happy Valentines day, everyone!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Ooops, kinda skipped right over bloggin day 2.  That's ok, it wasn't a stellar day, as far as "the program" goes.  Had a nice day tho!  Started out at Serendipity for a morning of pampering and self indulgence.  Ahhh... a one hour massage!  I've never really had one, and this was great!  It won't be my last, that's for sure!
Well, was a good girl and started out my day with my vitality, clear shake and... lets see.. vitamin C 1000mg, an omega 3, some ibuprofen and tylenol to combat the first part of my spa visit. (grin)   Handful of almonds, a pear...
That's all good.  After Serendipity, I stopped at Joann Fabrics for a couple of things, and a "quick snack" ended up in my cart.  Reeses crunchy bar.  (hangs head in shame) Bottled water.... and on my way to Loris. There we went out to lunch, hung out, played pool.  Had a blt and fries while out.  Oh, and a beer.
Then back to Loris, fire in the fireplace, she Mandy and I sat down and made her new years cards.  That was nice and relaxing, fun even.  chips and dip a little later in the day, and then I came home about 9.  Picked up J, more sinning as I stopped at Wayside for a snack while waiting for J, an ice cream sandwich and small bag of smart food later, I was done consuming crap for the day.  Bed by 1, mask until 5:30ish.. Slept til 9.

day 3
clear powder, 1/4c. organic apple juice, handful of blue and handful of strawberries.  A pear.  handful of almonds.  Vitality-6, omega3-3 of those suckers, big as horse pills!  Vitamin C.... so far so good.   I think a big veggie/chicken soup is in the makins for today.  It's that kinda day.
Texts from B and A this morning... they're in Montana and expect to be in Canada before nightfall.  604 miles today.  yuck. 

View Larger Map

ooops, just got a text, they're at the Canadian Border! 

More later!  Have a great day everyone!

Friday, January 7, 2011

The good ole college try

Happy New Year! 
I saw Kara Hayes yesterday.  You can check her out HERE.  The time has come for me to make a decision.  I am seriously researching Gastric bypass surgery, and feel I need to make one last ditch huge effort to lose weight and become more healthy, before giving in to the surgical intervention.  That being said, I always have trouble remembering the things I do or eat or feel thruout the day, so told myself I'd journal and use that as a reference.  We'll see how it goes!

so, today is DAY 1
Took my cellular help supplement, here after called "Vitality".  Also some G3, which is a juicy power boost of phytonutrients.  Think energy, baby...
0830  1 scoop of Ultra Clear in 1/4c. organic apple juice, 3/4c filtered water and 5 ice cubes. 
 I woke up with a super runny sneezy nose.  Broke down and took an allergy/sinus pill.  No headache, but TIRED!  That's cause the mask isn't working that great.  See the Doc in half an hour on that.  (GASP!  Half an hour!  I don't think my pants are done drying and it's a 20 minute drive!)
Will stop at the store afterwards and get a crapload of veggies and fruits for some swamp water smoothies etc!  
More later.
ps just got invited to a dinner party... no, not pizza, but a real, dress up a little bit cause I wanna, dinner party!  It's on the weekend of my bday, which is a bonus, because it's how I'll get Tim to go, and I get to do something a little different/fun on my day, or close to it.  Cool Beans!
Well, enough procrastinating, time to move it...
Great day you all, hope you have a great day!

Addendum: Let's see... mask issue fixed, I hope, we'll see tonite.  Allergy med helped with sinus issues, but now, 7pm, they're creepin up again.  Took a little nap this afternoon... don't know why I bother w/out the mask, it's like not sleeping and I could just do it perpetually.  
Lunch was tomato/basil soup, a Thai tofu veggie bowl... no preservatives, all organic and all that.  It was ... edible.  Oh, and those "it should be good" multigrain chips!  I really like them, and they're all natural.  Probably not exactly on the detox diet, but it's the first day, and much better, the 20 or so chips I ate, as opposed to the BAG of munchos I wanted!  (grin)  Also had a pear... a bottle of seltzer water... and then a snack of frozen yogurt.  
Tonite, a big salad with iceberg (yeah, I know, but I forgot to pick up something else!) carrots, celery, evoo and balsamic, yum!  A small piece of chicken, a couple bites of stuffing and peas and corn, maybe a tablespoon of each.  
Not too bad huh?  Yeah, and then I had a martini.  doh!
More tomorrow, going to bed!  
PS saw Terri today,  I can honestly say that it didn't rock my world.  Didn't upset me... in fact, it was really nice to be at peace, to have him go on about his stuff, and it didn't effect me.  It made me laugh, when I said, "wow, in the last 24 hrs I've seen Kara, George, John and now you! "  (I was thinking that it was confirmation)  He said, "Yeah, maybe it's a sign that it's time for you to join the world, join the living..."  and I just chuckled to myself... Oh, I've been living... peacefully... little guilt... I'M not the one on self imposed house arrest... I could go on. Suffice it to say that it was nice, to be seperate, at peace, and not be affected by his... stuff.  Thanks Angels, Spirit Guides, Mother Earth, God!

Saturday, January 1, 2011


Interesting day yesterday.  Nothing was as it seemed, and nothing was as it always has been.  The kids were both home, Hubby stayed up.  I napped in his chair until around 11 and barely made it thru the ball drop.  Hey, I was sick, ok?  (grin)  really, I was.  It was just an odd New Years Eve.  Dick Clark did a fairly decent job, all things considered.  He seemed more comfortable this year, which is important, I think.  Seeing the Back Street Boys and NKOTB together was kinda wierd.  They did a good job, it's just awkward to watch 8 grown men sing teeny bopper pop songs.  Shrug.  Whatev!

Anyhow, on to 2011!  What are your New Years Resolutions?  I've not made any mad claims, but think that this will be the year to get myself in better shape.  I'm not talking the usual "I'm gonna lose 50 lbs and go to the gym every day".  I'm talking, eat better, take my suppliments, surround myself only with positive people, speak more gently, be kinder to myself, and enjoy life.  My new job is fairly undemanding.  Instead of trying to do more more more, I'm just gonna let that coast, and take time to write... read... play the piano, the guitar, finish that quilt! 
It's time to give up some things that I thought were making me feel better.  They're not.  They're making me feel bad about myself, and giving me cause to always be looking over my shoulder.  Time to cut that crap out. (nothing illegal folks, no worries)  Time to clean up my act.  GRACE.  Thats the word.  Time to live with Grace.  Oh for pitys sake, I sound like a commercial for the new Oprah Network!  hehe!

 This is a panorama pic I took with my phone.  I just love it, because my whole family is sitting in the new living room, waiting to go to bed on Christmas Eve. There's Jordan, and Tommy, Amber and Brand, and Tims body there on my right.  Just love this pic! 

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas Gifts?

What is Santa bringing YOU for Christmas???  
  •   I've been eyeing these Pandora bracelets  for awhile now.  Problem is, I'm cheap, and these are pretty expensive tho not this simile by Pugster.  If you like the look but not the cost, Pugster may be the way to go. My skin turns green at anything "plated", which is the deciding factor for me. I'll stick to my original plan to save up and go with the real deal.  Most of my jewelry is inexpensive, I deserve nice things.  I'll wait it out.  
  • Books Books and more books!  For my Kindle, that is!Crave: A Novel of the Fallen AngelsLover Unleashed (Black Dagger Brotherhood, Book 9)The Girl Who Played with Fire (Vintage)Skipping Christmas: A NovelUnbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain                         (Just to name a few)
  • Movies.. we recently redid the livingroom including a big screen tv and blue ray player.  I've 2 blue ray movies to my name.  Here's a few I'd like to buy...   
Jesus Christ Superstar (Special Edition)Pink Floyd - The Wall 25th Anniversary (Deluxe Edition)Shall We Dance? [Blu-ray]Romeo + Juliet [Blu-ray]                       So that's about it.  Really don't have many needs/wants.  It's nice to say that.  I'd like.... to make my sons move to Alaska easier for him, if I had the means to drop a couple grand in his lap.  I'd like... to rent an apartment for my middle child so that he could experience living on his own without moving in with some friends who aren't... well, the most goal oriented kids on the block.  While we're talking funds, I'd make my little sisters life easier via a few weeks without bills while her disability kicks in.  (Her MS is flaring badly)   I'd give my husband selective amnesia, my dtr a good skin doc who can get rid of that growth near her eye, and the clarity, not only of skin, but of mind, to not be affected by the snotty cliques in her class (the "In" crowd),  the silly boys around her, or the innane nuances of being a little sister to her brothers.  I'd find the perfect from-home job for a friend of mine, and call it a night!  
(Disclaimer: the links weren't hints for Santa, they were a funky way for me to try out the new "Amazon Associate" thingy I signed up for!  If any of my readers click on a link to one of those products, and buys it from Amazon, I get credit! I figured it was a win win to do that, as it makes my sight look better too! )
 Happy Holidays!

Adeste Fideles!

I just love Christmas lights! 

Our girl and her dog, playin in the Christmas trees


Made these for ornaments, but J said they were yummy!

Our first Ice Storm

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I have failed...

Dear Readers, you will notice by the lack of mostly red blocked calendar on the top of my page, that I have admitted defeat.  I didn't get my novel written this month.  Huge frowny face here.  It's too bad, because I really enjoyed the process, and the comradarie of other writers, and the creative process itself.  It was pretty unrealistic of me tho, to even approach it.  Oh well.  I'll probably do it next year too!  Thanks to those of you who gave me ideas and helped with character development.  And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ok, here we go.  Thanksgiving in a couple days, and then the big rush is on.  Don't think I'll be doing Black Friday this year, mostly because I'm working until 8am and besides, we don't really have anything we need that is on the lists..  "THE" lists really means Js.  Her number one desire for xmas?  A shotgun!  Nope, not a red ryder bb gun, but a nx151 20 gauge blah blah blah, I dont' even know.  It's funny to listen to her trying to convince Daddy, who says "that no, family policy is nothing stronger than a bb gun until you're 18.  How will it look to the boys if I let you, when I didn't let them??!! "  I gladly disengage and let them battle it out. 
Toms gifts, a couple of them, are purchased, as well as a GPS for my mom.  I think we're gonna hold off on the big gift to each other, a huge screen TV until after the first of the year.  Tims idea.  I don't really want the damned thing anyway!  Gonna throw a party Dec. 10th.  Looking at some new and interesting ways to decorate.  Any thoughts?  Helping a friend with some inspiration to get his house cleaned up by xmas... this pot shouldn't be calling the kettle black!  hehe!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


The sanctuary of love, peace and freedom resides in our intentions, within our
breath, in our actions, at every moment of every day if we choose to
make it so. _Roozbeh Bahramali



Sunday, October 10, 2010

Monday, October 4, 2010


My Dad might be interested in this blogger.  I've not had a chance to read the whole thing yet.

Vietnam Vet remembers and goes back... 40 yrs later

Sunday, October 3, 2010


So, gotta write this down while it's fresh in my mind.  
Today my mom and I were in the car and she mentioned one of her favorite pics that I've taken.  It is of the Vietnam War Memorial, and a finger (Tims) pointing at a particular name.  Thomas E. Beglinger. I had forgotten about that one.  Tom was a friend of my dads.  "The brother I never had" (since his own was a bit of a prick when they were younger).  He introduced my mom and dad to each other during high school. Dad went to Vietnam after he and Mom were married.  Tom was drafted as well.  He was killed in Vietnam. Anyhow, Mom mentioned this pic today, and then I was talking to my husband about it in the car, asking him if he thought I should send Dad a copy of that pic.  We hemmed and hawed it over, and decided that yes, we would send him a copy.

Fast forward to later this evening.  I'm on fb, checking things out when I get this IM:
 "Your dad said to tell you, Tom Beglinger died 44 years ago today.  Oct 2, 1966."  
I was flabbergasted!   We started chatting back and forth about this, and then Joanne told me to call the house.  Dad answered and we talked for the next 48minutes.  
"I was at Camp Carole I think, over in Nam.  I got a letter from your mother telling me that he had been debrained. Shot in the head.  He got a lot of medals and such, because he was shot after pulling someone out of the line of fire.  He was like the brother I never had.  We did a lot together in high school, were together a lot, then he went off to college, and I went to Vietnam.  He came back from college, and then was drafted."  
He then talked about the strong bonds that were formed in 'Nam when you were fighting beside somebody, for your life and theirs.  He remembered that when he got his beer ration, he and his buddies always shared with which ever of them were "shootin the gun" i.e. on watch.  He recalled coming back stateside, and mentioned that if he didn't have a family (me, and mom) he would have gone "right back over there, to fight alongside" his brothers.  
Dad also shared that he had been thinking about Tom all day today, and decided that he needed to get drunk or something, in honor of him.  (grin)  What he ended up doing is getting some wings, having a beer, and calling Toms brother/father, (I'm not sure which) Norman, to tell him, "Hey Norm... Bob Sonricker here.  Just wanted you to know, I didn't forget." Can you imagine how much that meant to Norm? 
This was a really good conversation for us to have.  We've always been able to talk about his years in the service, I guess as the child that was born while he was at war, and the one who has been a staunch supporter of the POW/Mia cause, we've always had that in common.  I'm glad that I could give him that outlet tonite, a safe place to talk about his feelings and memories.  It was obvious that he needed it, and I feel only too honored to have been on the other end of that phone.  
So... I just needed to get this down in my blog.  It seems that Mr. Beglinger was making sure I reconnected with my Dad today.  Thank you Sir, and I assure you, I will NEVER forget. 


Monday, September 6, 2010

My wish... for me...

      Once upon a time there was this nurse.  She'd seen a lot, she'd done a lot, she'd landed the perfect job.  Surrounded by strong, brilliant, independent women, her coworkers.  Receiving, assessing, caring for women of all kinds, with one thing in common; bringing life into this world.   
     I wish I had paid attn, REALLY paid attention, to those years that now seem like milliseconds in what has been my life thus far. To this DAY, that was the best job ever.  Most days I marveled that they paid me to come in to work every day.  Alas, it came to an end.  Why?  For several reasons.  Miscommunication about some time off that I needed, an inability on my part to ask for help when I was feeling overwhelmed with a complicated patient, and the insertion of my pride that insisted that *I* was every bit as capable as anyone else to do it all myself.  Extreme stress and sleep deprivation  as my best friend and my mom were both fighting to survive cancer.  It just all became too much.  Fortunately, no harm was done, but I wasn't capable of doing the job anymore.  HOW_VERY_SAD that day was for me!  Several days, weeks, months to follow as well, as I grappled for a mere sliver of hold on the mountain of self esteem and humility that had crumbled beneath the words, "we need your badge."   Fast forward several years. Lots has happened.  The women in my life both survived. Other jobs have come and gone.  I've become sedentary in my profession, choosing "easy" over painstaking and rewarding.  
My wish for me, is to return to the smart, quick, compassionate and capable person, if not nurse that once donned those white shoes and kept losing her stethoscope. (grin)
I know we're all a work in progress.  I've decided to stand up to the "work" that has been turning me into an old fat lady. I'm not ready for retirement yet.  Nor complacency.  
Please join me on my journey, to enlightenment, to a lighter me, and to a lighter, more joyous way of life.  Time to let go of that which isn't working, and forge ahead into the unknown, to trust my instincts, interact with clairvoyance and trust in mother nature and all things of the light.