Monday, September 6, 2010

My wish... for me...

      Once upon a time there was this nurse.  She'd seen a lot, she'd done a lot, she'd landed the perfect job.  Surrounded by strong, brilliant, independent women, her coworkers.  Receiving, assessing, caring for women of all kinds, with one thing in common; bringing life into this world.   
     I wish I had paid attn, REALLY paid attention, to those years that now seem like milliseconds in what has been my life thus far. To this DAY, that was the best job ever.  Most days I marveled that they paid me to come in to work every day.  Alas, it came to an end.  Why?  For several reasons.  Miscommunication about some time off that I needed, an inability on my part to ask for help when I was feeling overwhelmed with a complicated patient, and the insertion of my pride that insisted that *I* was every bit as capable as anyone else to do it all myself.  Extreme stress and sleep deprivation  as my best friend and my mom were both fighting to survive cancer.  It just all became too much.  Fortunately, no harm was done, but I wasn't capable of doing the job anymore.  HOW_VERY_SAD that day was for me!  Several days, weeks, months to follow as well, as I grappled for a mere sliver of hold on the mountain of self esteem and humility that had crumbled beneath the words, "we need your badge."   Fast forward several years. Lots has happened.  The women in my life both survived. Other jobs have come and gone.  I've become sedentary in my profession, choosing "easy" over painstaking and rewarding.  
My wish for me, is to return to the smart, quick, compassionate and capable person, if not nurse that once donned those white shoes and kept losing her stethoscope. (grin)
I know we're all a work in progress.  I've decided to stand up to the "work" that has been turning me into an old fat lady. I'm not ready for retirement yet.  Nor complacency.  
Please join me on my journey, to enlightenment, to a lighter me, and to a lighter, more joyous way of life.  Time to let go of that which isn't working, and forge ahead into the unknown, to trust my instincts, interact with clairvoyance and trust in mother nature and all things of the light. 


BeckysDaily said...

I think everyone has a moment in time that they wish they could go back to, and to change. But THAT is what makes us, us. (I know that is probably one of the last things you wanna hear, but it is soooo true) These realizations, and wants, and needs can also help to form a future, that is brighter, and more joyful...Listen to that, and sometimes you just have to go with your gut, even if it doesn't make that much since.

I have been reading your posts and I think it is so awesome that you do energy work. I am a licensed Massage Therapist, and would so love to do energy work. I find it so calming.

Beck said...

Hmm, we should do a job share someday Amanda. I'd love to learn some new massage techniques! Although you need to be attuned by a Reiki Master to share Reiki, (hence I can't teach you... yet!) I can still give you a treatment and show you how very wonderful it is! Let's do it soon, ok?
PS I appreciate you following me! I can't seem to build my follow-ship very well... and am trying to do the mommyblog thing, too! Hugs!